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Common Problems You May Experience with a Thai Girlfriend: Western Men Love Thai Girls but Don't Consider Cultural Differences

Thai Girls Are Beautiful but Western Men Should Be Aware of Cultural Differences Before Starting that Relationship

Cassandra James

Cassandra James, Yahoo! Contributor Network

Jan 27, 2010 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

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I've lived in Thailand for seven years so have met many western men who have Thai girlfriends or wives. Some have confided to me the problems they have with their Thai girlfriend or wife, problems that seem relatively consistent with many Thai-Western relationships. Thai cultural is drastically different than western culture and also difficult to understand. Westerners think they understand Thai culture but, what you see upfront is not always what it means below the surface. This causes problems in Thai-Western relationships as Thai women don't understand why their boyfriend or husband does what he does and vice versa for the men. If you're in a relationship with a Thai women or considering it, make sure you're at least aware of these common problems as, in this situation, forewarned is definitely forearmed.

Family Comes First - One problem many Thai-Western relationships often experience is what family means to a Thai woman compared to what family means to many westerners. Even though they're adults, most Thai women (and men) will still live with their families. When they marry, most will still want to live with either theirs or their husband's family which, for westerners, is something most of us just don't do. When you date or marry a Thai girl, therefore, you have to accept her main allegiance will always be to her family. If her family needs financial or emotional help, they will almost always come before her relationship with her boyfriend or husband. Even if she's been married for a long time. The only time this will sometimes change is if you have children with your Thai wife or girlfriend. Then, that 'family' will often come first.

If you decide to get into a serious relationship with a Thai woman, her closeness to her family is something you will have to accept. According to most of my Thai female friends (and I have many), almost every Thai girl will choose her family over her farang (western) boyfriend or husband if push comes to shove. So don't. Push, that is.

Language Barrier - Even with my Thai friends who speak fluent English, because of the difference in understanding of some vocabulary and grammar, misunderstandings happen often. With friends, this is usually easily fixable. But, with more romantic relationships, misunderstandings because of language problems can cause snowballing other problems if not solved immediately.

The vast majority of Thai women don't speak good English either. In seven years of living in Thailand, the only Thai women I've met who speak fluent English are ones working for international companies, large Thai businesses, some English teachers and women who work in the tourist industry. Thai prostitutes too usually speak good English, although the vocabulary they use will be rough (you can often spot a Thai prostitute from how they speak English plus, of course, how they dress). In fact, Thailand has the worst level of English of any south east Asian country so, dating a Thai girl who has poor English can be a perfect situation for language-created problems. Make sure you speak slowly and clearly and explain anything she looks confused about. That way, some problems can be nipped in the bud.

Thai Culture is Drastically Different Than Western Culture - A lot of western men come to Thailand, hang out with other westerners, have few Thai friends and make little effort to learn about Thai culture. A large percentage, unfortunately, have the ingrained idea that western culture is better than Thai culture and, even though they live here for years, spend much of it looking down on Thailand. Therefore, when they meet a Thai woman and start a serious relationship, they've already decided they're going to do things the 'western way', as it's better. In fact, it's not and your Thai girlfriend will probably not think so either.

Thai culture too is difficult to understand. I have well over 100 close Thai friends and only two western friends. I spend most of my time with Thais, eat Thai food, go out of my way to experience real Thai culture and even speak pretty decent Thai. Yet, I'm the first to admit, with over seven years experience in Thailand, much of Thai culture and the reasons why Thais do things still completely eludes me. You'll find a fair percentage of western men too will think they understand Thai culture, yet my Thai friends and I will end up laughing, as it's obvious they don't. Much of Thai culture and ways of doing things is actually behind the upfront things you see. So taking things at face value is better not done, as the real Thai way is hidden underneath instead.

The same goes for relationships with Thai women. What you see is not always what you get and what she says is often not what she means. Thailand has over 100 different types of smiles, all meaning different things. So, even if she's smiling, it doesn't always mean she's happy.

Don't take Thais or Thai culture at face value. Learn about the history behind things and about Thai social relationships and you'll do much better with your Thai girlfriend or wife if you do.

It's Not All About Money - I used to read online forums frequented by mostly western men who live in Thailand and have Thai girlfriends or wives. A high percentage complain about the Thai girl they're with, saying much of their relationship is based on money. Basically meaning they think the Thai girl wouldn't be with them if they didn't have more money than your average Thai guy. Are they correct? Yes, to some extent they are. But not for the reasons they mean.

Money in Thailand is important. As a former third-world country, Thais worry about falling back into the abyss as well as trying to earn respect from the rest of the world. This means, having money and seeming to be successful is important in Thai culture. It's all about 'face'. Maintaining 'face' means you have a good relationship with a successful man who will take care of you, your family and your kids. Losing 'face' means you're with a guy who can barely pay the bills so can hardly take care of himself or anyone else. In that situation, the vast majority of Thai women will leave as, in Thailand, they cannot afford to go backwards. To me, that's understandable. A high percentage of Thai women are much more pragmatic about love than are western women. Love is fine and dandy when it first starts, but if love looks like it's going to have problems putting food on the table, they'll move onto another love that can.

And yes, you will be expected to help take care of your girlfriend or wife's family financially. That is the Thai way and is done by just about every Thai from poor working class up to obscenely wealthy high-society types. If you can't accept it, you're better off giving up now and finding a western woman who doesn't expect that. Because, once married to a Thai woman, some of your money every month will go to help take care of mum and dad. Think of it this way - Thailand doesn't have a social security system so, if the adult kids don't take care of mum and dad, who the heck's going to.

Don't get me wrong, Thai-western relationships can be some of the happiest in the world. I know several western men who are ecstatically happy with their Thai wives and will probably be so for the rest of their lives. However, they are all ones who made an enormous effort to learn about Thai culture, have no problem helping their wife's family financially and accept her family is just as important to her as her western husband. If you can do the same, you'll likely find yourself in an amazingly satisfying relationship with a Thai woman. If you can't, give up now. Because the next five years of bitching about how 'the western way is better' and 'your Thai woman only wants your money' will get old really fast. Until she dumps you that is. And she will.

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